Women Vs Men

[Angel]

HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she

comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try

to uninstall her you will lose everything............

[Angel]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

[Angel]

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

[Angel]

What are CATS?

- Cats do whatever they want and you have no idea what they are thinking.
- They rarely listen to you.
- They're totally unpredictable.
- They whine when they are not happy.
- When you want to play, they want to be alone.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They expect you to cater to their every whim.
- They're moody.
- They leave hair everywhere.
- They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

CONCLUSION:
Cats are little women in fur coats. :wink: :wink:



What are DOGS?

- Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture they're allowed to sit on.
- They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
- They growl when they are not happy.
- They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't listen to you when you're in the same room.
- When you want to play, they want to play.
- When you want to be alone, they want to play.
- They are great at begging.
- They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
- They leave their toys everywhere.
- They do disgusting things with their mouths and then kiss you.

CONCLUSION:
Dogs are little MEN in fur coats.

[Angel]

Why do men have broad shoulders and big foreheads?
When you ask them a question, they shrug their shoulders and say, I don''t know.
When you tell them the answer, they slap their foreheads and say, Ohhhhhh.


Why do men die before their wives?
They should.


What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need........
A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need


where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
A mental hospital


What''s the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men?
Wife saying she wants to talk to him


How are men and batteries different?
Batteries have a positive side.


Why are men like strawberries?
Because they take a long time to mature and by the time they do most are rotten


What do UFO''s and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but never see any for yourself.


Why is dating like a game of cards?
Because if you don''t have a good partner, you''d better have a good hand.


How do you confuse a man?
You don''t have to - they''re born that way


What are the three types of men?
The handsome, the caring and the majority

What''s the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching himself. The other is a chimpanzee.