View Full Version : Hot Jokes
Sardarji at a car garage-
Sardarji- "O' ji battery change karma hai"
Mechanic- "EXIDE lagaa dun?"
Sardarji- Kyon, doosraa side tera baap lagaayegaa?
There was a midget (little person) down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him what the problem was.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left one and told the midget to turn his head and cough -- the usual method to check for a hernia.
"Aha!" mumbled the doc, and putting his finger under the right one, he asked the midget to cough again.
"Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look so he stared at the ceiling, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. Then the doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached.
The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his groin area was no longer aching.
The midget said "Perfect, Doc, and I didn't even feel it... What did you do?"
The Doctor replied, " I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."
A British Airways flight was going to Karachi from London. When it gets close to Karachi it starts having some kind of trouble. The pilot contacts the
air tower at Karachi airport and asks for help:
"Karachi, this Captain Smith, British Airways flight 000, do you read?"
"flight 000, dis iz Karachi felight contorol, go ahead"
"Karachi, this is flight 000, we have a problem"
"dis iz Karachi, vat kind of peroblem?"
"this is flight 000, we have lost power to our engines, please advise"
"dis iz Karachi, i reed you, peleez check some things for me, ok?"
"this is flight 000, go ahead"
"dis iz Karachi, can you get emergency pover to your engines?"
"this is flight 000, negative, no power is available"
"dis iz Karachi, can you peleez bering your altitutde to 20,000 feet?"
"this is flight 000, negative, our wing controls do not respond"
"dis iz Karachi, can you peleez see if you can lower your veels?"
"this is flight 000, negative, landing gears are stuck"
"dis is Karachi, vould you peleeze repeet thez words after me"
"this is flight 000, go ahead"
"dis iz Karachi, repeat thez words peleeze: Ashhadu an Lailaha illallah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadur rasulullah... "
Ajit calls Robert and Julia in the presence of the rest of the gang members all around.
Ajit: Robert !!!! Apne kapde utaaro.....
Robert: Nahin boss mujhe sharam aati hai.....
Ajit: Kapde nahin utaare toh tumhe duniya se utaar diya jaayega..... Robert hesitatingly takes off all the clothes and stands
Ajit: Julia !!!! Tum bhi kapde utaaro warna tumhe goli maar doonga..... Juila fearing the worst takes off all the clothes and stands among other gang members.
Ajit: Robert aur Julia ab tum dono ek doosre ke kareeb aao..... Both hesitatingly come closer.
Ajit: Ab itne kareeb aao ke tum dono ke beech mein koi distance na rahe..... Both Julia and Robert embrace each other tightly(both are nude)
Ajit (Laughing loudly...ha ha ):Bahut dino se tamanna thi ki Julia Roberts ko nude dekhoon !!!
John and Mike are in bed together and John is fcuking Mike hard in the arse without a condom when he says 'I've got AIDS.'
Mike shudders and says, 'Have you?!?!'
To this John replies 'No, not really, I just like the way your arse tightens up when I say it.'
George W. Bush begins his speech to open the Olympic Games.
"Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo!"
An aide comes over and whispers: "Ahem, Mr President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."
A shy and introvert man goes out with his wife to a friends place. Husband is quiet throughout the visit. Wife comes home and berates him " Kuch to baat karni chahiye. Kitna kharaab laga hoga "
Next day they visit one of their wife's friend. Husband is again quiet while wife chatters with her friend who is nursing a small baby.
Wife nudges the husband to make him talk.
Husband looks at the baby and says "Kyon beta, akele akele"
Bob, a 60 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
Osama-bin-Laden had traveled into town after several weeks in the desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.
Laden was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store:
WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!
He looks at his camel and decides to give it a shot. He goes in the store with his camel and the vendor asks him," What can I do for you?"
"Well, friend" Laden replies, "I noticed your sign and I'm interested in your help. You see my camel's been slowing down a bit and I don't really want to trade him in for a new one."
The vendor says, "That won't be necessary here. We make your camels run faster. It's guaranteed."
"OK Let's do it."
The vendor says, "Please pull your camel over this way onto the platform."
While Osama is steadying his camel onto the platform, the vendor disappears into another room and returns with two large bricks.
"Stand back," he cautions Laden.
The vendor goes behind the camel with bricks in hand, and smashes the camel's balls. The camel runs out of the place like a bat out of hell.
"Wow!," said the Taliban man, "That's the fastest I've seen him run in years! But how am I going to reach him now?"
The vendor says with a smile, "Please step onto the platform, sir."
When Laloo went to prison, he told his wife Rabri, "When I come back I want all the mails that come while I am gone with the date they came on written on them in order."
Rabri says, "Ok."
On his return, she hands him a bunch of letters and on each was written, "Aaj Aayee." (Came today)
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