Once a Scientist in the US develops a ultra small spaceship. He thinks to make it better he needs to consult rocket scientist from other countries.

So he decides to send it to England, Japan and India.

The spaceship is send first to the English Rocket Scientist...he installs ultra small jet propulsions on them. Then it is send to the Japanese...he installs very small communication systems on it!

Finally it is send to the Indian Scientist...he takes it in his hand...inverts it...and then imprints on its back side..."Made in India"!!


============================


A guy rides up in a scooter to a theatre and on reaching to the theatre asks another person "Where is the scooter stand?"

The other person replies "Tell me, what is your name?"

"Ramesh", he answered somewhat puzzled.

"What do your parents do?"

"Why? My mother's a doctor and my father's an engineer"

"Are you endowed with property and things like that?"

"Yes", he said more puzzled now, "We in fact have quite a bit of property back in our village"

"What is your qualification?"

"I've done M. Com"

"Look, Mister. You have a good background, both your parents have high qualifications and in fact, you yourself have done M. Com and yet you don't know the simple fact that a scooter stand is fixed to the bottom of the scooter."

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.

" Well," the beggar thinks, " it's still better than nothing."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

" What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. " First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"

" Well," the man says, " last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further ."

" And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

" Four," the man replies.

" Well," says the beggar, " I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense".

Boy: Dad, what's politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don't understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son. That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him. The next day...

Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SH*T!

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .

He saw me without problems, he created you.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Twinkle Twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

TEACHER==== Name four members of the cat family?

STUDENTS==== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Police man==== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.

The Man==== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Why does history keep repeating itself?

Because we weren't listening the first time !


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...

still he was in jail.......why?

coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

An Astronomer was watching the sky from his telescope.

A sardar was observing him, Suddenly a star falls, seeings

that sardar shouted "kya nishana hai"


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

"Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the

violin after the operation?"

"yes of course...."

"Great ! i never could before"


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys

like u should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

not in cage but laughing at you.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

When your life is in darkness pray to God ask him to

free u from darkness and if after you pray and your

still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

A Sardar, recently arrived in the US, wanting to earn some money, decides to
become a 'handy-man' and starts looking for some work in an up market colony
nearby. He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner,
another Indian, if he had any odd jobs for him to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" the owner says.

The Sardar responds, "How about $50?"

The owner says "Fine, there's a can of brown paint and brushes in the garage."

The owner's wife, inside the house, overhearing the conversation asks her
husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all around the house? That's
a whole day's job." The man replies, "He should; he was standing on it. Do
you think he's dumb?"

"No, I don't think so. I ; guess I'm just influenced by those stupid Sardar
e-mail jokes we keep receiving."

A short time later, the Sardar comes to the door and asks for the $50.

"You've finished already?" the husband asks.

"Yes," he replies, "and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reaches into his pocket for the money and hands it to him.

"And by the way," the turbaned guy adds, "it's not a Porch, it's a BMW....!"



---------------------


An American gets on a plane and finds himself
seated next to a Sindhi. He immediately turns to the Sindhi and makes his move.
"You know," says the American to the Sindhi,
"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation
with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The Sindhi, who had just opened his book, closes
it slowly and says to the American guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the Sindhi. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the Sindhi, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

A Paki, Bangladeshi and a Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to
drink from the same one twice. "

bollo tara ra ra.....

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to
pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we
don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. "

The Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws
his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and
Bangladeshi.
He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that, we don't
need to drink with the same ones twice ."[

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Why are you outstanding?


Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates. One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy. Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.'

The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.'
'That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
Sardarji : 'What problem?'

Banta owned a large factory. He issued orders that only married men would be employed. When his friend Santa asked him the reason, Banta replied, 'Married men are more obedient.'

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.