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GOOD JOKES


2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari

nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha

hai ki Reliance mai Job.




Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other

ensures U

Continue to do so.




Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne

Flag

Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.




How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &

comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo

ta ra ra.




A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess

what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.



Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an

hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.







Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character

thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya

hoga....???




Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki

break fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.




Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a

Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher

Studies Yaar...!!!



Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....

Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??

Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??

Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!




Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.




Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.




Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies first.




Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.




1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions




Santa : That Cow has a Lovely Colour ,

Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.

Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

This is a conversation that took place between a person(Y) in the public and a marketing guy(X).
X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which vests do you use?
Y: Baba's
X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, What is this Baba? Is it an international company???
Y: No, He is my roommate


--------------------



Women: Person who thinks more with their heart than with their head.
Experience: What you will get while looking for something else.
Zoo: A place advice for animals to study the habits of human beings.
Adam: The only man in the world who couldn't say," Pardon me, haven't I seen you before?"
Dentist: A person who extracts both your teeth and money.
Bald: When one has less hair to comb and more face to wash.
Death: Stop sinning suddenly.
Neighbour: A person who is out of something.
Smile: A small curve that solve big problems.
Kitchen: Final laboratory of housewife.

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that - "in our family we marry only with our relatives: my grandfather married my grandmother, my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my sister married my jijajee, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me."

************************************************** *****

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

************************************************** ***************


A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

************************************************** *****************
One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there, they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.

They had to go to delhi the nexyt day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked "tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".

The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form, the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?

Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate " the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied "Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"

************************************************** ******************


One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two
************************************************** ******************Banta Singh dialed to talk to his dear pal Santa Singh "Is that 6545224?." asked Banta Singh. "No this is 6545225." came the reply. After thinking for few seconds Banta Singh replied "No matter, please call Mr. Santa Singh from next door.




35 Ways to Annoy People

Leave the copy machine set to 99 copies, reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper.
In the memo field of all your checks, write, "for sensual massage."
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking with others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when you back up.
Finish all your sentences with the words, "in accordance with prophecy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute entire streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait -- I messed it up." Then repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, then scribble their answers in a notebook and mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Tell your friends that you can't attend their party, five days prior to the event, because you're "not in the mood." And the final way to annoy people...
Send this to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering -

Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...

Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?

Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question,

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Sardar was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle,
why ?

Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end but
also its beginning !

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table & says - What a shit ?
" I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all" ?.

Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was
Amritsar

where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters.....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the
other

to check whether it is working.

He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?

Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand
up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one
freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"
enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see
you standing up there all by yourself."

__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.